does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
