im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
