Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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