May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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