I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
