i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
