Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
