so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
