Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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