I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
