Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
