I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
