Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
