More tranny stories later!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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