ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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