I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
