I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he shaved USA in his pubs
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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