Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
