woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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