when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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