Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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