I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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