On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
