are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
