Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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