Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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