No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she pinky promised me she was 18
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
