then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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