my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
