She is in my trunk
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
