Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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