dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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