I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
