You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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