My cat gives me a boner
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize