matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you inspire me to be a worse person
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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