After last night, I could never be a politician.
too bad you live with your parents still
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
