I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
