You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
