Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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