Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
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