Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
