Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
