my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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