We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
