FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
