its not stalking. its research.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
