probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
