Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
