He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
