the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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