i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Randomize
