I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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