Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
