you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
