at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Drake has all the answers
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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