In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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