help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize