THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
