Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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