the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
ttyl tear gas
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
