Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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