I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
