Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
